A conversation with an abiou and a yami
by Demented Insane Spirit
Summary: We go inside the Millennium Puzzle, Millennium Rod, and the Millennium Ring where the abious and the yamis have odd conversations, sometimes even violent. Three part. Humor.
1. A conversation with Yuugi and Yami

DIS: I beg of you, do not ask where this utterly pointless idea came from.

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_Title: A conversation with an abiou and a yami_

_Rating: M for language_

_Genre: Humor_

_Summary: We go inside the Millennium Puzzle, Millennium Rod, and the Millennium Ring where the abious and the yamis have odd conversations, sometimes even violent. Three-part. Humor._

_Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, do not own YuGiOh. Kazuki Takahashi does, though._

_Notes/Warnings: Utter pointlessness; humor; three-part; OOCness_

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_Chapter One, A conversation with Yuugi and Atemu_

Today was a beautiful day. A glorious day, in fact. Summer vacation had just begun and so it was quite warm out, but not so much that one would complain about it. Today, we look in the Kame Game Shop where Yuugi is sitting on his bed, looking as though he is concentrating very hard on something with his eyes closed. His Millennium Puzzle is glowing so let's go inside and see what he and Atemu, the Pharaoh, are speaking about...

Yuugi and Atemu are sitting in Atemu's soul room on the steps, silent, but it appears that they _had_ been talking about something. "Yeah..." Atemu agreed after a moment, "Anzu is cute."

"I know," Yuugi said with a sigh, rubbing the back of his head. "And when I saw her in her bathing suit, I just...I couldn't help it! I had a nosebleed!"

"It's fine, Yuugi, I'm sure that Anzu will understand."

"Are you sure, other me?" Atemu's eyebrow twitched. "I mean...will she understand how I feel about her, other me?" An anime vein popped on the Pharaoh's forehead. "We've always been best friends and now I...I feel something _more_ about her!" He gasped, putting his hands to his mouth and blushing. "Oh, I'm sorry, other me! You just make me talk so much!" Atemu rolled his eyes when Yuugi wasn't looking, then glowered at the ground. There it was again. Referring to him as 'other me' instead of his real name.

_That really pisses me off, _Atemu fumed.

"So anyway, other me – "

"Yuugi!" Atemu snapped, turning to him and grabbing his shoulders. "Listen! I know that you have a fetish with naming me as 'other me' but Ra dammit, Yuugi, I have a name now! Is that so hard to understand? It's Atemu! A – T – E – M – U! Got it?"

"Gee, other me, I didn't think – "

"ATEMU! I AM NOT THE OTHER YOU! I AM ATEMU, ONCE THE GREAT PHARAOH OF EGYPT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, KID?"

"KID?" Yuugi repeated in an outraged tone. "I'm going to be seventeen, thank you very much!"

"Be quiet, little one, when I'm talking," Atemu growled at him, still very irritated.

"IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT HEIGHTH, ISN'T IT?" Yuugi boomed, startling the Pharaoh. "I might be short, but who's the greatest duelist in the world? Who defeated Pegasus? Who defeated all those Ghouls and Malik and Marik? Who was the one that saved your butt from that weird green thing of Dartz's? WHO WAS IT THAT DEFEATED DARTZ? AND _WHO _DEFEATED KAIBA ABOUT A BILLION TIMES OVER AND HAD HIM GO HOME BAWLING HIS HEAD OFF?"

"...Um...me," Atemu answered, blinking. Yuugi's jaw dropped, then his face turned into an angry one again.

"I'm not an elementary kid, damn you! I'm in high school and I'll be graduating next year! And you just possessed me whenever a duel came." Yuugi suddenly clasped his hands, getting up and prancing around, saying, "Oh-my-gosh, oh-my-gosh, it's a duel! What should I do, what should I do? I can't handle the suspense, I gotta do something! Ooh, ooh, I know! I'll take over Yuugi's body and go prancing around, tra-la-la!" Yuugi halted his antics, breathing hard and glaring over at Atemu, who gawked at him. What had happened to him? The kid really needed to take some Valium...

"Yuugi, that was a very inaccurate and rather rude portrayal of me."

"Oh, shut up, other me," Yuugi muttered.

"MY NAME IS ATEMU, DAMMIT!" Once again, the Pharaoh was pissed. "I'm sick of the way your friends call me Yuugi and I'm sick of _you_ calling me the other you! FOR THE LAST TIME, I – HAVE – A NAME!"

"Yeah and only Anzu acknowledges that," Yuugi told him under his breath. Atemu looked at him blankly, then sighed and smiled.

"Yes, Anzu..." He smirked smugly at Yuugi. "That's because she likes _me_ and not you." Yuugi gazed at him for a moment, before bursting into tears. Atemu began to maniacally laugh as his abiou sobbed.

"Y-you're mean!" Yuugi sputtered, pointing at him, tears streaming down his face. "I hate you! I hate you, hate you, hate you!"

"HEY! I'm the only reason you have friends! Don't ever forget that, Yuugi, don't _ever_ forget that!"

"N-nuh-uh!"

"Oh, yes, Yuugi," Atemu said darkly, "that's the only reason you have friends. They thought you went into puberty when I came out, but you know what, Yuugi? They thought you were cooler when you went into puberty which is exactly why you have friends!"

"No! It's not true!" Yuugi howled while Atemu laughed. "You're lying! LIAR!" He pointed at him again, this time in rage.

"I AM _NOT_ A LIAR!" Atemu snapped, offended.

"Yes you are! Liar, liar, LIAR!"

"I AM NOT!"

"YOU ARE TOO!" Yuugi stormed over to the door and turned to Atemu, giving him the finger. Atemu gasped, his eyes widening.

"WHERE DID YOU LEARN THAT?"

"FROM YOUR MOM IN BED!"

"M-my...NOOOO!" Atemu collapsed on the floor, sobbing. Yuugi snorted, wiping his tears from his face and slamming the door as he went out. "THAT'S IT! YUUGI, I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU!"

"I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, EITHER!" Yuugi shouted from behind the door. Atemu sniffed, sulking on the floor.

"...Little brat," the Pharaoh muttered to himself.

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DIS: Chapter Two - Marik and Malik! And then the final chapter, Bakura and Ryou! Hope that you guys like this so far. Please review and tell me how it was!


	2. A conversation with Malik and Marik

DIS: Thanks to everyone who reviewed. Here is the next chapter of this small, but humorous fic. Enjoy!

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_A conversation with Malik and Marik_

At the same that Yami and Yuugi were arguing with each other in their Millennium Puzzle, Marik and Malik were also talking in their Millennium Item.

"You know what?" Marik suddenly asked, laying on his stomach on his bed.

"Eh?" Malik looked at him disinterestedly.

"You really disgust me."

"Shut up, camel piss."

"(OO) You know what? STOP HANGING AROUND BAKURA! The yami is supposed to dominate this relationship, dammit!"

"RELATIONSHIP?" Malik exploded, whipping around to look at Marik. "What the HELL do you mean by that! Dammit, I'm not your girlfriend! You can go ahead and look at Mazaki or Kujaku for that kind of shit!"

"WHO?" Marik frowned, trying to think of who those girls were. Malik sighed, rolling his eyes.

"Anzu Mazaki and Mai Kujaku. You know, the chick I controlled and the blonde skank you sent to the Shadow Realm? Ring a bell, stupid? You no comprendo?"

"Stop speaking Spanish," Marik snapped. "I comprehend! And if your small and highly stupid brain didn't figure it out, Mazaki is head over heels in love with the bony Pharaoh."

"Pff," Malik snorted, waving a hand dismissively. "Come on! You took after _my_ looks. You think she can resist the handsomeness of _moi_?"

"...Yeah. Actually, I do." Malik glared at him.

"Shut up, pointy." Marik's jaw dropped in disbelief. Malik eyed his hair thoughtfully, asking, "By the way, do you have any idea what kind of weapon you've got loaded on your skull? It's even pointier than Yami's head!" Malik cackled, amused by his own joke. Marik growled, lunging on him. "GET OFFA ME!"

"NOT IN YOUR LIFE, KAIBA MOLESTOR!"

"WHAT??" A huge dust fight proceeded.

(Later)

"So..." Malik said, clearing his throat and nursing a sore jaw. "Take your pick: Mazaki or Kujaku?"

"Shut up, fairy." Malik twitched.

"Are you calling me _gay?_" Marik eyed him with a sneer on his face.

"Who wouldn't? After all, what the hell is up with that hoodie thing you wore? Everyone could see your belly and they probably thought that you were some kind of cross dresser – or a girl."

"...Is that why you changed my clothes?"

"Duh."

"THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH MY CLOTHES! I JUST ACCIDENTALLY GOT TOO SMALL OF A SIZE!"

"AND YOU COULDN'T HAVE GONE BACK AND BOUGHT THE _RIGHT_ SIZE?" Marik boomed back. "Dear Ra, Malik, I was embarrassed to even say I came from you!"

"You know what? Go back from whence you came!"

(Pause)

"Wait..." Malik frowned. "That would be me."

"(--) You don't say? You want me back in your body, homo-boy?"

"I tell you, I'm NOT GAY!"

"Right. Prove it."

"FINE!" Malik stormed out of Marik's soul room and then returned with an arm full of what looked like photos. Marik eyed it suspiciously until his abiou dumped it on his lap. "SATISFIED?"

"(o.o) You little pervert...These are all of Mazaki." He eyed him suspiciously. "What are you hiding, Malik?"

"No, no, they're not all of Anzu," Malik assured, picking out some pictures. "See? There are a few of Kujaku, too."

"Ahh..." Marik tilted his head to the side, looking at the picture with raised eyebrows. "This is something else, Malik."

"Yeah, it is, huh?" He grinned. "I'm pretty proud of myself!"

"Did they catch you?"

"Er...Not...really..." Marik sighed, setting the pictures down and crossing his arms across his chest in an authority-like manner.

"Now, Malik, what has your sister and Rishid said about lying?" He demanded with a raised brow. Malik sighed as well, rolling his eyes to the heavens.

"That lying is bad and that it is a sin to do such a thing. Also it causes problems in relationships."

"So, I will ask you this again: did they catch you?"

"Not really," Malik replied simply. "Well, they kind of did and kind of didn't."

"Explain."

"Okay..."

Flashback 

"Ugh, I hate these kinds of sweaters!" Mai complained to Anzu. Malik balanced himself on the branch to Anzu's window, in all black and with a camera. "They're sooo tight!" She tore off the sweater just as Anzu took hers off, too.

"_I wish we had gotten some different ones," she remarked._

"_WOTCHA!" They whirled around as Malik burst into the room and took multiple pictures of them. "Thank you, ladies! I bid you adieu! – Oh, thanks for the pictures!" _

"_PERVERT ALERT!" Both girls shrieked. Malik's eyes widened and he quickly jumped out of the window. _

"_OW! SON OF A BITCH!" He rubbed his back and then quickly ran as they heaved a TV out the window after him._

_End Flashback_

"(o.o)..." Marik was staring at his abiou with the weirdest expression on his face as Malik gathered the photos. He turned to Marik with a sigh.

"Yeah, so technically I was caught, but they didn't know who I was."

"You had better hope that's the case, Malik," Marik remarked.

"Hey," Malik nudged him, grinning slyly, "what do you say about a panty raid?"

"I'm in!" Marik immediately said.

(Obviously, these two Egyptians are major perverts.)

"But you know," Marik said after a moment, "I still think you're a fairy."

"DAMMIT, MARIK – "

"I mean, _yeah_, you don't got the wings or anything, but come on! You've got a frickin' magical golden wand."

"(oO) What the hell are you talking about?"

"Huh?"

"(x.x)...You going through that whole bad memory thing again?"

"What are you talking about?" Marik demanded with a frown. "Geez, you can act like a real homo sometimes. No wonder I thought you were gay."

"(-.-) Whatever, Marik."

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DIS: Yeah...I know that wasn't as good as the first one, but mostly because there are more insults to be thrown at Yuugi and Yami. Anyway, please review on your way out and tell me how you liked it. On to the last chapter, Bakura and Ryou! Ciao!


	3. A conversation with Ryou and Bakura

DIS: Hey, yay! After I finish this chapter, I'll only have two fictions to update. By all the gods, that's never happened. It kind of worries me. (o.o) Anyway, sorry for the very late update. For some reason, I thought I was finished with this fic, lol. Thanks to everyone who reviewed and here's the last chapter, Bakura and Ryou!

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A conversation with Ryou and Bakura 

Ironically, while the other two sets of abious and yamis were chatting, so was the sweet, British-accented Ryou and his psychotic, pointy-haired yami, Bakura. Of course, it was more of a one-sided conversation, really. Ryou was in Bakura's soul room, where he was lounging on his huge bed, a totally bored expression on his face while he watched Ryou sit in the fluffy recliner across from the bed. He was also talking to Bakura, though it kind of sounded like he was talking to himself...

"...always worried about grades and money, so I'm a bit anxious if she's suicidal or something. I'm actually a little afraid that she might prostitute herself. She's such a good person, though, don't you think so? She's even nice to you and that's saying something, you know, Bakura. And then there's her dancing classes. She's always worrying about those, too. I wish there was something I could to do help her. I'm thinking I'll ask father to lend me some money to give to Anzu. Do you think that will offend her??"

"(-.-) Abiou...You're sounding like that freak, Yuugi. He's always ogling Mazaki and looking like he wants to fondle her. If you turn into someone like that, I'm going to have to kill you slow."

"(O.O)...So...Is that a no?"

"THAT MEANS STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM HER!" Bakura roared, jumping on the bed, glaring down at him. "It's her problem, dammit, and I refuse to be involved in this!"

"I wasn't...going to involve you, yami..."

"THE HELL IF YOU WEREN'T! I know you, Ryou. Oh, yes, I know you." Ryou just stared at him, more than a bit freaked out. "You're the type of guy that wants his yami to suffer. You're just like the fucking asshole, Malik!" He narrowed his eyes. "You know what he does to his yami? Do you? He whips him, Ryou! He whips Marik and cackles and then threatens to stake him like the Italians did to Jesus!"

"Um...it was the Romans, Bakura, not – "

"WOULD YOU SHUT UP? I'm talking!"

"(U.U) Sure..."

"As I was saying..." Bakura sniffed, lowering himself on the bed, crossing his arms.

(Silence...)

"(o.o) Um..." Bakura blinked. "What was I saying?"

"(x.x)..." Ryou didn't answer. When it came to Malik, "the twisted bastard," as Bakura liked to call him, he went off his rocker, so to speak.

"Meh. Whatever." He flopped back on his back. "What are we eating?"

"I was thinking spaghetti."

"I hate spaghetti."

"How about ramen?"

"I hate ramen."

"What about Ragu?"

"I hate Ragu."

"...Steak?"

"Steak sounds good," Bakura said with agreement.

"We don't have any steak."

"THEN WHY DID YOU SUGGEST IT?"

"Well...You wouldn't have said 'yes' to anything else..."

"SO? DOES THAT MEAN TO GET MY HOPES UP? RA, RYOU, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU LATELY?"

"(o.o) I don't know...Maybe I should start seeing a psychiatrist again?"

Bakura gave a long-suffering groan. "But then I have to make my _own_ dinner or starve until you get home."

"(--) What if I bought you some TV dinners and showed you how to make them?" Bakura groaned again. "I'M DISTURBED AND HERE YOU ARE, WORRYING ABOUT YOUR STOMACH!"

"DON'T RAISE YOUR VOICE TO ME, BOY!" Bakura snapped. "I WON'T HAVE IT IN MY SOUL ROOM!"

"THEN I'LL LEAVE!"

"LEAVE THEN!"

Ryou stormed out of Bakura's soul room, slamming the door. Bakura glowered at the door and waited. A minute later, Ryou came back in, looking apologetic. "I'm sorry, Bakura, I shouldn't have raised my voice at you."

"No, you shouldn't have," his yami agreed coldly.

"Friends?" Ryou offered.

"Kiss my ass."

"...That was rude."

"So what? You're acting like that son-of-two-whoring-bitches, Malik."

"...That was rude, too."

"I DON'T CARE!" Ryou burst into tears.

"WELL, YOU SHOULD!" And then he ran out, sobbing.

"(-.-) Damn," Bakura muttered. "There goes my dinner, spaghetti or not."

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DIS: Ta-da. All finished. Yeah, I know, it wasn't great. And now I remember why I thought I was done with this fic. I didn't have any ideas for Bakura and Ryou. Well, whatever. Please review on your way out! It'd be much appreciated. Some humor fics should be coming out, so look out for those! Ciao!


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